Monday, August 17, 2009

Just Needing to be Real Today........

I always try to be honest and real on this blog. Many of the comments and e-mails that I get, are encouraging and are just "thanks for being real".

Today, I just need to be real.....

I was all geared up to get up this morning and share a post on my weekend. Mainly on what God said and did during both services at church yesterday. It was so incredibly awesome the way the Spirit showed up, spoke and moved. Not only during both services, but Sunday school as well.
I will go ahead and put in a Sunday school plug here......if you're not involved in Sunday school at your church, you are missing a huge blessing!! That one on one with your brothers and sisters in Christ is priceless. I go to the ladies SS class at our church and it's the best time to be real with my sisters in Christ. We pray, cry, rejoice, study..we are obedient to however the Spirit leads and I wouldn't miss it for anything!!

Anyway........

The post I wanted to write just isn't going to happen this morning.

I sit here with a mild headache (thank God it's a mild one) and swollen, burning eyes. At this moment, I'm tired...tired of being a Mom. Seriously. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of trying to make someone understand that I've been there, done that and it's a dead end road leading to destruction.

I'm tired of being told that I don't "get it". I'm tired of being treated by my child like someone who needs to be spoon fed because I'm so stupid and pathetic.

I'm tired of someone asking me for my opinion and then when it doesn't line up with what they want to hear, they get angry and tell me what an idiot I am.

Okay....maybe those exact words aren't being verbally said because my two know it would land them a good smack across the mouth (sorry to those of you who don't believe in spanking and aren't parents of teens yet.....) but the implications are there.

I find myself wanting to get in my car and drive. Let them have it all and see what happens. You think you can handle things so well...fine!!....handle it!!!

I am angry, hurt and tired.

I'm tired of being told that they could be doing things that are so much worse. This I agree on. But it doesn't lessen the fact that there are things being thought, said and done that do not please the Father. Wrong is wrong. Period.

In the silence and darkness of the night, I prayed some incredibly stupid things. I find myself thankful for a Savior who looked at my heart, and went to the Father with my true prayers.

During the events of this weekend, DS made a statement that I have to admit was hard for me to grip, but true. He said, "You're going to have to reach the point where you realize that you guys have raised two good kids and trust us to do the right thing."

I agree with him, but when I/we see decisions being made that there is no doubt in the world is the wrong thing.....and we can't make them see, understand, come to the realization that the wrong decision is being made.....what then?? Sit back on our hands and let them go off into a place they don't have to go????

The issue is with DD this weekend. "I'm 18. I don't have the answers. I don't think what I'm doing is wrong. I'm not convicted about it. I can't talk to you anymore. You make it hard to hold a conversation with you. You treat ____________ like a jerk. You have no idea. You don't have a clue. This must be what generation gap means.(with eyes rolled) I don't think God would be displeased. Believe me, it could be much worse. I could be doing what ________________does."

So, while lying in the dark last night pleading, feeling numb, this is the Scripture that God whispered to me....

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD,the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2, NLT


I hear You, Father. You are my help. This situation, this time in life that I cannot handle, You can.

5 comments:

lifebythecreek said...

You know, Deb, if children are God's homework assignment to us, then there are times when I feel like He gave me a 250-page term paper, typed, single-spaced, with footnotes.. on quantum physics. And I only have one, and he's only 9. I wish I could just give you a hug, because I really don't have any advice to offer. Just focus on Him... don't let fear, or anger, or resentment, or any of those other tools of satan whisper in your ear, because they only tell lies. Call on Him, and He will answer... and He always tells the truth. I'll be praying...

Sandy said...

Ah, poor, sweet cyber-friend. I have no magical words to solve your problem. I can only say that I understand. I can only encourage you to continue praying, pleading before the Lord on behalf of your babies. Pray scripture over them. Go in their rooms and fall before God's throne (when they aren't there or when they are asleep). Love them with all the grace God shows us. I have been blessed by Stormie O'Martian's book Power of a Praying Parent, and right now I am being blessed by Leslie Leyland Fields' book "Parenting is Your Highest Calling" And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt. I am not finished with the latter book, but so far I am thrilled with what I've read. Please forgive me if I have recommended these before. I know I posted about Fields' book one time (before I had read it). Blessings and prayers to you!

Nanci said...

Deb, my heart goes out for you. Parenting is certainly not for the faint-hearted; is it? Oh how we worry about our children, especially as they make more and more of their own decisions. But you are going to the right place for help. Remember that God is a far better parent to our children than we could ever be. He works in our children's lives with the same love and care that He works in our own lives. He love them every bit as much as He loves us. There are times when we even have to trust Him to let our children make mistakes. You can trust them to His care. I know that you know that.

Blessings both on you and your family,

Nanci

Collette@Jesuslovesmums said...

Dearest Deb, I don't have any advice not having hit the teenage years yet with my two. I can pray though and will bring your family before the Lord. I can imagine how hard this must be and we all get times when we just want to give up being a mum. I do and my two are so little. That verse is so good and one to grip onto during this turbulent time. I really do feel for you and will pray for you all.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs
Collette xxxxxx

Beth in NC said...

Oh Deb. (((((hugs))))) God have mercy on parents of teenagers. I know I WAS a handful as a teen.

Thankfully your children are covered in prayer and you've laid a good foundation. I can't imagine how helpless it will feel to sit back and watch a child make a wrong decision. I shake at the thought of it.

May God continue to give you wisdom and peace as you walk each day as a praying Mom. I pray you'll be as wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. May you see the schemes of satan before they even approach your children and battle in the Spirit.

Bless you friend,
Beth