Today, I just need to be real.....
I was all geared up to get up this morning and share a post on my weekend. Mainly on what God said and did during both services at church yesterday. It was so incredibly awesome the way the Spirit showed up, spoke and moved. Not only during both services, but Sunday school as well.
I will go ahead and put in a Sunday school plug here......if you're not involved in Sunday school at your church, you are missing a huge blessing!! That one on one with your brothers and sisters in Christ is priceless. I go to the ladies SS class at our church and it's the best time to be real with my sisters in Christ. We pray, cry, rejoice, study..we are obedient to however the Spirit leads and I wouldn't miss it for anything!!
The post I wanted to write just isn't going to happen this morning.
I sit here with a mild headache (thank God it's a mild one) and swollen, burning eyes. At this moment, I'm tired...tired of being a Mom. Seriously. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of trying to make someone understand that I've been there, done that and it's a dead end road leading to destruction.
I'm tired of being told that I don't "get it". I'm tired of being treated by my child like someone who needs to be spoon fed because I'm so stupid and pathetic.
I'm tired of someone asking me for my opinion and then when it doesn't line up with what they want to hear, they get angry and tell me what an idiot I am.
Okay....maybe those exact words aren't being verbally said because my two know it would land them a good smack across the mouth (sorry to those of you who don't believe in spanking and aren't parents of teens yet.....) but the implications are there.
I find myself wanting to get in my car and drive. Let them have it all and see what happens. You think you can handle things so well...fine!!....handle it!!!
I am angry, hurt and tired.
I'm tired of being told that they could be doing things that are so much worse. This I agree on. But it doesn't lessen the fact that there are things being thought, said and done that do not please the Father. Wrong is wrong. Period.
In the silence and darkness of the night, I prayed some incredibly stupid things. I find myself thankful for a Savior who looked at my heart, and went to the Father with my true prayers.
During the events of this weekend, DS made a statement that I have to admit was hard for me to grip, but true. He said, "You're going to have to reach the point where you realize that you guys have raised two good kids and trust us to do the right thing."
I agree with him, but when I/we see decisions being made that there is no doubt in the world is the wrong thing.....and we can't make them see, understand, come to the realization that the wrong decision is being made.....what then?? Sit back on our hands and let them go off into a place they don't have to go????
The issue is with DD this weekend. "I'm 18. I don't have the answers. I don't think what I'm doing is wrong. I'm not convicted about it. I can't talk to you anymore. You make it hard to hold a conversation with you. You treat ____________ like a jerk. You have no idea. You don't have a clue. This must be what generation gap means.(with eyes rolled) I don't think God would be displeased. Believe me, it could be much worse. I could be doing what ________________does."
So, while lying in the dark last night pleading, feeling numb, this is the Scripture that God whispered to me....
"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD,the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2, NLT
I hear You, Father. You are my help. This situation, this time in life that I cannot handle, You can.