More About Me--Infertility

A couple of things before I begin today's actual post:

I initially intended to do More About Me on strictly Monday's, but God has revealed to me that I can't limit when I should post something. What I intended to post Monday, God kept preventing and I'm now able to post it today. Don't know why, not going to ask. Just going to trust that what He intended will come to pass.

I also want to thank those who have sent me questions and posed situations. I am being honest when I say I really want more questions. Do I have all the answers? Of course not!! But I have found a lot of things that I can address through God's Word.

Some of the questions that have come my way..I've lived. Some, I have not. But it's at those times I'm going straight to God's Word to seek Him and answers. Please keep those questions coming!! As always, I won't reveal who has asked what. Many questions I've gotten are of a personal nature and some I've answered in direct e-mails. As you read my posts, I'm sure you'll recognize if this was one of your questions....


We struggled with infertility for years. As I posted here, it took us 5½ years to get pregnant with DD. We actually had her one month after our 7th anniversary.

Those 5½ years were so hard and so discouraging. We even came to a point that we accepted our inability to have biological children and began the process of adoption.

While we fully accepted adoption and were eager to get that process going, there was a tugging in my heart that I may never actually give birth.

Looking back, I would have given anything had we been Christians at that time. I'm confident that God would have been every strength and emotion I needed to move forward. Hindsight being what it is, I do recognize now, that He was there all along.

I remember we came to the decision to end our fertility treatments in March of 1990 and begin the process of adoption. The constant Dr visits and medications and temp checks and on and on and on over 5½ years had taken it's toll. We finally accepted the fact..even though we weren't Christians...that if God wanted us to have a baby, He'd provide one...somehow.

Within a week, we had begun the adoption process and both of us were so excited!!!

In a very short time--literally days--I went from sadness that I couldn't conceive to sheer excitement over the fact that we--at some point--were actually going to welcome a child into our home!!!

As I said, this was in March. We were so busy with our jobs and the home checks and the paperwork and all of that stuff that begins the adoption process, that I hadn't even realized I'd missed a period. Some time around the end of May though, I noticed that my body was feeling...different. Certain body parts were giving me a considerable amount of pain and tenderness. I was talking to a close friend about it and she encouraged me to take--yet another--pregnancy test.

After a couple of weeks I finally gave in and found out I was indeed pregnant!!

There are no words to convey the sheer joy and shock that DH and I felt at that news!! We met with our social worker and came to the decision that since we were actually pregnant, we were going to halt the adoption process..for a time at least.

God blessed and as my bloggy friends know...we have two amazingly wonderful biological children.

But what about those who have struggled with infertility and are still not pregnant?

How would I be right now had God not blessed me with those 2 great kids?? Would I have adopted? Would I have accepted the fact I might not ever get pregnant? What would I have done?

Our decision to begin the adoption process came from the fact that DH's parents were foster parents. We met so many kids of all ages that so desperately just wanted to be loved and have a stable home. We knew that if we couldn't conceive, adoption would be our next step.

We also gave much thought into being foster parents ourselves, but I have a very honest confession about that......I don't know that I could love them and then watch them move on. I got very attached to the children that my in laws had and when they left, it was devastating to me. I just don't think fostering is something I could do.

I spent this week looking at some Scripture....

Psalm 113:9 says,

"He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother."

Isaiah 54:1 says,

"Sing, O childless woman, you who have never given birth! Break into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, you who have never been in labor. for the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband." says the Lord."

(Both verses are NLT)

Now, I'm not thinking that the Father is saying here that you should just be happy and move on since you're not able to give birth. He created our feelings and emotions and He fully understands our pain and anguish.

I have some friends, 2 in particular, whom God has not allowed them to conceive.
Both of these women have walked different emotional paths with their infertility.

One woman became a school teacher. She is working with special needs kids and they fill her life with much joy!! She loves these kids so much and makes such a difference in each sweet little life. She is patient and calm and so tender with each child...God has blessed her with many kids and her love pot just keeps overflowing!!

She works with the teen girls at her church and she is able to have them over to her house and work with them and focus strictly on them. These teenagers keep her busy and they trust and love her so much!

She didn't give birth, nor has she adopted, but she has loved and help raise so many children over the years...children many of us would never be able to love or help grow.

The next lady married a man who had children from a previous relationship. During their early years of marriage, both hoped to have biological children together.

Oh..she loved her husband's children, but she really wanted "one of her own".

For a time, she really struggled with the fact that she wasn't getting pregnant and finally accepted that, unless God intervened, she would never have a biological child.

After much prayer and time spent with God, God showed her that He'd already provided her children. These kids that she'd "married" needed a mom so much...and she was that woman.

She was called to this place. To be a Godly example to these kids and show them how to be Biblical wives.

She was to show the boys what a Biblical wife looked like so they would know what to look for when the time for them to choose wives arrived.

She soon learned that the time and effort she was putting into "wanting a family" was wasted....she had children. God had provided.

I don't know your situation or where you may be in your battle with infertility, but I do ask you to pray honestly and ask God to reveal to you His plan.

Maybe He's asking you to adopt or be a foster parent..or maybe He's provided you children in another way.

Maybe He wants you to teach those kids at church and be available to them.

Maybe you've "married" children who so hunger for your love and attention and just need a mom.

If we are faithful and trust God because He is perfect and will never fail, we know He will give us the desires of our hearts..maybe not in the way we would choose, but in His way because He is perfect.

Motherhood & At the Well

Today's discussion over At the Well, is titled 'That Where I Am You May Be Also'.

The discussion concerns motherhood and how important it is that true motherhood always points to Jesus.

Being a mom is one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I want to participate in the Q&A, but in order to do that I will need to make this a two-parter. I have to begin at the beginning in order to answer the Well questions.
Here is part one..part two will follow later today or tomorrow...

As a very young teenage girl, I suffered from a lot of 'female' problems that resulted in some tests which caused my doctor to warn me that when the day came for me to have a baby, it would be a difficult..if not impossible..accomplishment.

He was right.

DH and I started trying for a baby about a year or so after we married. As the months went by and I still wasn't pregnant, my doctor's words came back to me.

Another couple of years of trying to get pregnant..unsuccessfully.. found us sitting in my doctor's office, going over the possibility of fertility treatments.

Doc warned me that even with treatments, my ability to get pregnant was still a long shot. Again, he was right.

We went through using that basal thermometer daily, sex on demand..because when you are at your prime moment of ovulation, you have to jump at the chance..fertility drugs..then doubling the drugs..then tripling the drugs..then saying enough is enough.

6 years later, we still weren't pregnant and we were exhausted. Physically exhausted..not so much, but the emotional exhaustion was enormous!! The stress and strain on our marriage had grown to the point that we weren't sure bringing a baby into it was wise.

With tear-filled eyes, I sat in Doc's office and told him we were done. No more trying. Our marriage, and we ourselves, couldn't take the strain of trying to have a baby any longer.

He gave me some information on adoption and after much discussion between DH and myself we set that in motion. There were a lot of children out there who needed a home and that was something we could provide.

Several weeks after filling out more paperwork than I'd ever seen in my life, I noticed that I was so tired and I was sore..more specifically in my breast area which was not common for me at all. I hadn't paid much attention to the fact that it had been a couple of months since I'd had a period simply because missing 2 or 3 months in a row was normal for me. A good friend of mine insisted I buy a pregnancy test, but I refused. If all of those fertility drugs hadn't helped me get pregnant, I'm sure I wasn't pregnant now. Besides..over the years I'd spent way too much money on pregnancy tests that made me cry because all I ever got was a negative result.

A week later though, I was still exhausted and my breasts were really hurting...if I wasn't pregnant, then something was most certainly wrong.

I made a trip to Wal Mart, purchased yet another at home pregnancy test.

The next morning, I waited till DH left for work before taking the test. He had to leave before I did and since I hadn't told him I bought the test (why put him through that?) I just thought it would be easier to cry alone then gather myself up and head off to work.

I peed on the little stick and then stared at it. Negative. Just what I thought..here come the tears, the disappointment, the anger, the screaming, the sliding down the wall..and then the outright sobbing. Finally, I gathered myself up off the floor and reached for the little stick to throw it in the trash. One last look at it and I noticed a very faint pink stripe. That stripe, although faint, made a plus sign which would mean...no, it wasn't possible. Besides, the negative sign was dark pink and the other line was so faint....

I dug the box out of the trash and called the 1-800 number on the back. The lady on the other end of the line was so sweet and told me that if I saw any pink at all, it was very likely I was pregnant and that I should go to my doctor as soon as possible.

Hanging up with her, I dialed Doc's office right away. His nurse encouraged me to run by for a test..just to see.

I called DH who agreed to meet me at Doc's office.

Within an hour, we were at Doc's office and I was peeing for them. One blue dot..not pregnant. Two blue dots pregnant. As we watched the nurse, who by now we had become good friends with, we tried to read the expression on her face, but it was expression-less and I knew she was trying to figure out the best way to let me know that I still wasn't pregnant.

I wasn't prepared for what came next....

Me: "Negative again huh?" I might as well help the poor thing out in trying to share the bad news.

Nurse: "Uh...Deb....you're pregnant!!"

Me: "It's not possible. It cannot be." This is a cruel joke..but you wouldn't do that to me would you??....

Turning towards me, she showed me the test...two blue dots...both very dark in color.

It was true....I was pregnant....

I looked at DH and we both burst into tears. Doc came out of an exam room about that time and Nurse filled him in quickly on what had happened. 6½ years of trying...and finally giving up..I was pregnant.

I didn't have a relationship with Jesus at this time, but I knew that He'd performed a miracle..and I was very grateful.....I was going to be a Mom.....