Friday, October 2, 2009
Studying...Created to be His Help Meet
We are studying the book by Debi Pearl, Created to be His Help Meet. Through our study of this book, we are going to learn what it means to be a help meet and actually living the role that God created us as women to fill. I've read this book once before and applied many of the things that Mrs. Pearl spoke of, and it has transformed an already good marriage into nothing short of awesome!! I encourage you to purchase this book and follow along or at the very least, check out the Pearl's website at http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/
Any text taken directly from Mrs. Pearl's book will be highlighted in blue.
I realize that in studying Created to be His Help Meet at the rate of one chapter per week, we will be doing this study for approximately 24 weeks. We could go at this at a much faster rate, but I believe that if we truly want to change and fill our God given rolls as help meet to our husbands, then we need to take things slower and put into practice what we are learning. I hope you agree and stay the course with me as we become better help meets together.
Part 1: The Help Meet
Chapter 8: Wisdom to Understand Your Man
This was probably one of the most eye-opening chapters for me in this whole book. In this chapter, Mrs. Pearl talks about 3 different kind of men. She tells us that we may see a little of all of these men in our man, but that one "man" will be more dominant. It did not take me long at all to figure out which one was my man.
Most of us will be honest in saying that the man we married isn't the man we said I do to. Oh, we see bits and pieces of the man we fell in love with, but the fact is when we were dating him certain things he said or did was 'cute'. After a couple years of marriage though those things aren't quite so cute anymore.
Did he change? No. We did. We, as women, chose to say, "Oh, he'll out grow that" or "Oh, that's so adorable!! I don't think I'll ever tire of ________". When we reach that point it's vitally important to the health of our marriage to stop, take a look at our own selves and change our thinking. You see, we will never change our man. My DH is pretty much the same as he was when I married him and I'm guessing 20 years from now he'll still be that same man. Those things that were cute when I was young and my head was in the clouds can sometimes get frustrating now, but it's at those moments I have to stop and remember that it was those very things that drew me to him. Why, now, would I choose to penalize him for that?? Sounds ridiculous, huh?
So, let's begin by listing those 3 types of men and seeing where your man fits in:
1) Mr. Command Man
Mr. Command Man is a born leader. He has no problem rallying the troops and will far outwork any one of his troops. These men expect their woman to be Johnny-on-the-Spot for them 24/7/365.
Mr. Command Man has zero tolerance and expects things to be done right the first time....and possibly expects you to assess the need and have it handled without him needing to point it out to you. He doesn't share his feelings, wants to know where his woman is and why she is doing what she's doing. He will correct her if he believes her to be wrong...most of the time not realizing he's doing it.
This all sounds very negative, but a good Mr. Command Man will put himself out to help those he loves. He is unselfish and willing to do whatever it takes to benefit someone else.
Now, if you are the wife of Mr. Command Man, it would be easy to get angry at him for his take charge, do it my way attitude. But think about this....you always know what to expect. No guessing what's on his mind or what he wants done. If you are faithful and supportive of him like he wants, you are his greatest confidante, best friend, right arm. No one understands him like you do and know one can carry out what he needs done like you can. Because he is so bold, he is quick to tell anyone that will listen that you are his best friend, his life mate and he could not do what he does without you.
Pretty awesome blessings, huh?
2) Mr. Visionary
Mr. Visionary is usually very gifted and talented, ready to try most anything. Why leave things the way they are, what's wrong with change? Mr. Visionary is usually very artistic and has a way with words.
He sees a use for everything and won't throw too much away because "there is another way to use this, I'm sure". Everything is an adventure waiting to happen and anything can change at a moments notice.
If you are the wife of Mr. Visionary, it's important that you are flexible. Maybe you were planning a quite meal at home with the family when Mr. Visionary comes home with some guys from work. Doesn't matter why they're there, but they are and you will need to be gracious and able to throw a few extra potatoes in the pot without complaining.
Mr. Visionary will want to talk to you and with you, running different ideas by you and different ways to change the world.
Enjoy him. Loosen up. Over time, as he grows older, he will most likely "come down to earth" a bit and when he does, oh the stories you'll have to tell!!!
3) Mr. Steady
This man is a rock. He doesn't make snap decisions, he's very careful with his money and his resources. He is faithful. Faithful to his wife, his family, his friends, his co-workers. He isn't going to rock the boat, but will stand up for right and wrong and back Mr. Command in a heart beat. He will encourage Mr. Visionary and help him along with his ideas.
The woman married to Mr. Steady knows usually doesn't have pressure on her to do something a moments notice. She isn't expect to 'serve her man' or run around trying to keep up with his last minute idea changes. You'd think she'd have nothing to complain about...but...if you're high strung, then Mr. Steady is going to seem boring to you because he doesn't make those snap decisions and he doesn't do well with spur of the moment ideas. It can be very easy to take Mr. Steady for granted.
How do I know this?
I said "I do" to Mr. Steady. Oh, my DH has a very healthy dose of Mr. Command Man in him, mixed with a little Mr. Visionary, but bottom line...he's Mr. Steady.
My man gives me plenty of room to do the things that interest me. He encourages me and supports me. He spoils me and he also (enter Mr. Command Man) expects certain things to be done, the finances handled a certain way. He (enter Mr. Visionary) won't throw much away and can take almost nothing and turn it into something useful.
Mrs. Pearl encourages us to get to know our man and I couldn't agree more.
I accept my DH for the man he is. That's not to say that I don't get a little selfish from time to time and try to buck the system, so to speak, but in being a good help meet for my man I had to get to know him, accept him for who he is and what he believes.
I am blessed to have a man in love with God. He is the head of our household and thinks the sun doesn't rise until I get up in the morning. I'm not bragging and it's taken a lot of years for this head strong, high strung female to accept her man, but he loves me and accepts me just the way I am. He expects (and I have learned) that his word is final and what he says goes. In accepting him this way, he rarely makes a decision without my input and he will go out of his way to put a little joy in each and every day of my life.
Mrs. Pearl encourages us to sit down and make a list of our husband's personality traits to determine what kind of man he is. Remember, he can have a bit of all three in him, but one will be more dominant. Then she encourages us to make another list. This list will list all of the things we can do to allow our man to be who he truly is and therefore making us a better help meet for him.
Next week: Finding Your Life in His