Friday, March 26, 2010

Gray Skies...Inside and Out

Getting out of bed, she made her way through the house to the kitchen. As she reached for the coffee pot, she looked out the window.

"Raining again."

Gray skies and the distant rumble of thunder matched her mood: sad, depressed...just plain ole' down and out.

The weather had matched her mood for more days than she could count. She couldn't remember when it had been dark for so long or rained so much. Inside or out......

She was a Christian. Had been for many years now, but for some reason, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to connect with God one on One lately.

She did everything she knew to do. She prayed, read the Word, listened to praise and worship music and watched a couple of the good evangelists on tv..but to no avail...she just couldn't seem to shake this oppression she was in.

Oh, well...maybe today would turn out better than yesterday.

After a couple cups of coffee, she made the bed, emptied the dishwasher. She'd tried sitting down right away to spend time with God, but always felt so sleepy. In her mind, a little physical activity would wake her up and she'd be better able to concentrate and focus on Him.

Of course, before she knew it, the kids were rambling around and there were errands to run.

Could it be 4 o'clock already??!! Time to start supper for her wonderful, patient husband would soon be home and he so deserved a hot meal waiting on him when he walked in the door.

Then of course it was 10:30 and the day was shot all to pieces. She'd accomplished nothing and she had pushed Jesus to the back of the shelf again.

This had been happening day after day for quite a few weeks now. Honestly, she couldn't remember the last time her mind felt refreshed, renewed..alive. She couldn't remember the last time that she felt Jesus was pleased with her..or even interested in what was going on with her.

On this day though, she made a dogged determination within herself to change things. She still took about an hour to wake up, but then she opened her Bible and read. She opened her devotional and read. She wrote in her journal...pouring her heart out and begging God to let her know that He was still there. Even with His silence, even with the dark skies and the dark within her, she needed to be reassured He was still there...but all she was met with was silence.

Figures. Even God can't handle her bummed out mood.

Determined to make God talk to her, she flipped on the television and found her favorite preacher (on tv) was on. This preacher was on her game today, she was fired up and she was telling all who would listen that if we allowed satan to control our mind, he controlled us. The preacher was right, you know...but somehow it just isn't getting through. Somehow, it's as if all of her "God-waves" had been blocked and couldn't be received.

So for today, she's made the decision to focus on Isaiah 55:8-9,

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts."
She's just going to hold on to the fact that whatever satan is trying to feed her mind, really doesn't matter because God's thoughts of her and for her are His own...and even with the rain and the gray skies, it will bring a ray of sunshine to her clouded soul.....

1 comment:

Sandy said...

Hey, Deb. I'm not sure what's happening in your life right now, but it sounds like some prayers need to be going up on your behalf. I'm praying for you!